I recently had someone ask a question; more rather make a comment about where I stand. I'm willing to bet some readers might be asking the same question. I do appreciate you taking the time to read through my blog so it is only fair that I address it "what business does an athiest have getting into this stuff?" . And even worse, express his opinions on these matters? Read this page in chunks- it is long.
I was not always an athiest. I was born and raised into a Roman Catholic family. I was bapstized as a child and had a Godmother who took a vow to see that I would continue practicing my faith until I became a confirmed Catholic. The irony to that is that according to my mother, the last time I saw her was when I was around 4 years old.
Until I went through the ritual of Confirmation, my father made it mandatory that my brothers and I attend mass every Sunday on top of going to Catechism. I remember this getting in the way of doing other activities I wanted to persue or making time to hang with freinds at that hour.
Looking in retrospect, I understand the sacrafice of giving up time with freinds for a couple of hours during the week (I was pretty selfish, but hey- it's how I was raised ;>) He was just trying to do the best he could to step his foot down have us live by his standards in his house.
The irony in this also is that a few years ago my mother told me that my father use to dose off in church. I'm remember being bored as unholy heck along with my brothers and trying to pass the time by making faces at each other. And when I went to other freind's churchs- oh man! I found the boredom to be universal and the things we did to escape it LOL! I remember a freind taking the donation envelopes and stuffing down his pants to look well endowed while he sat.
Somewhere in my teenage years I remember starting to raise questions; in particular to a statement I heard many times in Catechism: "Only those who believe in him (Jesus Christ) shall be saved". At this time in my life I had freinds who came from different religious backgrounds and thought "how can someone so nice not be able to make it to Heaven?" Junior high were the cruelest years of my life...ever. On top of the rampant bullying that I would endure, some of the kids whom I attended Catechism with showed behaviors of discrimination to others according to their religion. I remember feeling ashamed because those others were the minority (The public schools in Azusa are predominantly hispanic so Catholicism and Christianity over ruled by far).
At this time (the 90's) homosexuality was aggressively frowned upon amongst the student body throughout my high school and definetely at church. However, I did not think much of it until later I would befreind someone who had to hide it from everyone. Again I rhetorically asked "How can such a kind soul not be eligible to go to Heaven?"
As more questions stirred, I began to have inner conflict of the religion that I practiced. Attending Catechism became torture. Then once I was finally confirmed by Cardinal Roger Mahone, my father told me it was now my choice to attend mass. I'm sure you can guess as to what I did.
I felt guilty in the beginning for not attending Mass, but I could not fathom going back there where people pretended everything was fine (at least it was my perception of it at the time). I would rather deal with the way things really were as oppose to living a lie. Yeah, I was very angry for a long time. My faith in the existence in God was put on hold-not quite athiest yet.
Freshman year of college I took a class called "Psychology of Religion". It was the first time I was exposed to other religion's around the world other than Christianity. I saw common denominators in many religions such as rituals, & prayers to pay homage & respect to their creators and belief in evil entities within that realm (not all religions believed in evil, however). With these commonalities and yet people get caught up in how we are different. The one with the most controversy by far- Christianity; it has more variations than any other religion! According to the Zeitgeist doucmentary, there are about 10,000 types of Christianity (really? All those many ways to deliver THE GOOD NEWS?)
Many years later- sometime in my early 20's, I don't remember why but I was doing a prayer. A freind overheard and asked me "Do you really think God is choosing sides here? What if the other party is praying as well? What, God is going to flip a coin and randomly pick?" It seems odd to ponder on, but I never thought of looking at it that way.
As I studied science more and it answered questions to the phenomenons in the world, I began to think that everything in life had a reasonable explanation. I felt kindred to the early monks who were the first scientists known in the world. Monks of the clergy were the first educated people because they had the resources. Probably the most well known scientist Charles Darwin, grew up in a Unitiarian family. As he became educated in the world around him, he found answers in other places than divinity.
So why am I exploring this again?
I said that I am an athiest, that is 90% true. The other part of me is 10% agnostic. I always held onto the possibility of something else that could not be explained (God, Laws of the Universe, etc.) . After my experience this last Halloween (read my first post), I was so intrigued that I felt like maybe there is something there (in the realm of- not sure what to call this yet). Maybe there is something there I over looked. I can say this much: I am approaching this at my own free will and not as the child who was forced to go hear, but didn't listen to the sermons half the time.
What am I hoping to find in my research journey?
People who have paranormal abilities (ESP, psychokinesis, etc.), supernatural events of every kind (hauntings, Stigmatas, Exorcisms, etc.) from all parts of the world. My goal is to tape them if I get the chance. We live in a world where reality shows are trying to uncover everything we always wanted to know. It may be awhile before I come across these things (thats if they do exist) so in the mean time,articles and periodicals will have to do until they point me in a path. Then I wish to share with you- "the viewer", the things I come across.
If I get the opportunity to travel around to witness these phenomenons, I'm taking a camera!
On another note as well, there is something to be said about faith, regardless of religion. I have been witness to people doing amazing things for humanity. Many of them are driven by their faith, (not necessarily their religion) their connection with God, the universe, something they beleive in higher than themselves. I beleive it is something like this is to be admired and will do my best to acknowledge it when recognized. You know, to balance out all the madness to come in these postings :>)
You are welcome to leave comments (keep it PG-13, please)
Questions? My contact is at the very bottom of this page
No comments:
Post a Comment