Today when I was coming back from Upland, California from helping a friend film their project, I stopped by the grocery store. A man outside looked like he was asking for money for food all day. I've been approached enough times to see when its going to happen. Sometimes though, I wish I was wrong.
After he asked, I told him that I only have a card, but if he is hungry I would buy him a sandwich. When I came out, I gave it to him. He said "God bless you". I replied "God doesn't exist". His face changed dramatically and quickly as if he had just been slapped in the face. "What did you say?" he asked. I looked at him closely for a second before I answered. All within 2 seconds, my thought process went someting like:
A strong Christian believer. Probably as adamant as those I've seen on the news who protest at funerals of fallen soldiers, claiming God is punishing them. So I can say exactly what I said and be prepapered to deal with any escalation that comes with it. I am certain I can lay this old man out in no more than 5 seconds...But then I have to deal with the law and I am already going to court next month for a traffic violation. Hmmm, no good. Let's just beat around the bush and skip this.
So I told him I am athiest, but thank you for the kind gesture. And we went our seperate ways. As I was almost ready to drive out of the parking lot, I turned back and parked. I decided to have a talk with this man about why does he believe in God. Afterall, he has all the time in the world. I was on the other side of the shopping plaza making my way back. Sure enough the man had changed locations and he was on the same side of the plaza where I had parked.
He went into one of the restaurants as I approached. I saw him go into the restroom. I waited outside in a blind spot knowing that he would exit out door he came in. As I waited, across the way at another restaurant, man and woman's coversation escalated into an argument. As the man's tone became more aggressive, the woman's posture appeared more submissive. I pulled out my smartphone and set it to record video.
Five minutes later, the man I was waiting for came out. I made strong eye contact with him hoping to slow him, but he turned away as if to avoid confrontation. Finally I used my voice "Hey". He turned. "You got a couple of minutes?" I asked. "Sure" he replied. We sat together at a table outside.
I started with a warm up question."Where are you from". And from there I learned that he was a truck driver who had been laid off by the company. He lives with his wife, daughter and son in a motel. His retirement is $900/month. His wife is very sick with an infection in her lungs that keeps her from working. His children have been looking for a job, but nothing has opened up. He was laid off at the intial recognintion of the poor economy here in the United States. He is still recovering from surgery after sustaining a hernia, so he has to be decisive with what kind of work he decides to get into.
Before I asked my ultimate question, I came to a conclusion in my head. This man is living on hope. Hope that a divine entity is looking out for him and his family. And who am I to say that there isn't? He has gotten by for 5 years now. In retrospective, I'm thankful he didn't hear my first comment. If this is his drive to wake up each day and keep on going, more power to him. I suddenly felt like the world's biggest asshole. Our conversation was disrupted by the couple across from us. The angry boyfriend had escalated again and it got the attention of other people walking by. Security was on the radio reporting the incident. Other civilians watched from a distance with sympathetic eyes. "Thats not good" my interviewee said.
After we departed, I went home, stood in front of the microwave with my instant heated meal and gave a prayer. Maybe prayer is not the right word (I'm an athiest after all). The dialogue in my head went something like this: To everything in the universe that made this moment possible, thank you. I am able to sit comfortably in a sheltered place and enjoy this meal because of good fortune; everything from my job to a list of other circumstances that made this moment possible I am so greatful because if I was in that man's position, I know I would have taken different measures to feed myself and it would not be pretty.
Turning the question onto myself now: What motivates you to keep going?
After he asked, I told him that I only have a card, but if he is hungry I would buy him a sandwich. When I came out, I gave it to him. He said "God bless you". I replied "God doesn't exist". His face changed dramatically and quickly as if he had just been slapped in the face. "What did you say?" he asked. I looked at him closely for a second before I answered. All within 2 seconds, my thought process went someting like:
A strong Christian believer. Probably as adamant as those I've seen on the news who protest at funerals of fallen soldiers, claiming God is punishing them. So I can say exactly what I said and be prepapered to deal with any escalation that comes with it. I am certain I can lay this old man out in no more than 5 seconds...But then I have to deal with the law and I am already going to court next month for a traffic violation. Hmmm, no good. Let's just beat around the bush and skip this.
So I told him I am athiest, but thank you for the kind gesture. And we went our seperate ways. As I was almost ready to drive out of the parking lot, I turned back and parked. I decided to have a talk with this man about why does he believe in God. Afterall, he has all the time in the world. I was on the other side of the shopping plaza making my way back. Sure enough the man had changed locations and he was on the same side of the plaza where I had parked.
He went into one of the restaurants as I approached. I saw him go into the restroom. I waited outside in a blind spot knowing that he would exit out door he came in. As I waited, across the way at another restaurant, man and woman's coversation escalated into an argument. As the man's tone became more aggressive, the woman's posture appeared more submissive. I pulled out my smartphone and set it to record video.
Five minutes later, the man I was waiting for came out. I made strong eye contact with him hoping to slow him, but he turned away as if to avoid confrontation. Finally I used my voice "Hey". He turned. "You got a couple of minutes?" I asked. "Sure" he replied. We sat together at a table outside.
I started with a warm up question."Where are you from". And from there I learned that he was a truck driver who had been laid off by the company. He lives with his wife, daughter and son in a motel. His retirement is $900/month. His wife is very sick with an infection in her lungs that keeps her from working. His children have been looking for a job, but nothing has opened up. He was laid off at the intial recognintion of the poor economy here in the United States. He is still recovering from surgery after sustaining a hernia, so he has to be decisive with what kind of work he decides to get into.
Before I asked my ultimate question, I came to a conclusion in my head. This man is living on hope. Hope that a divine entity is looking out for him and his family. And who am I to say that there isn't? He has gotten by for 5 years now. In retrospective, I'm thankful he didn't hear my first comment. If this is his drive to wake up each day and keep on going, more power to him. I suddenly felt like the world's biggest asshole. Our conversation was disrupted by the couple across from us. The angry boyfriend had escalated again and it got the attention of other people walking by. Security was on the radio reporting the incident. Other civilians watched from a distance with sympathetic eyes. "Thats not good" my interviewee said.
After we departed, I went home, stood in front of the microwave with my instant heated meal and gave a prayer. Maybe prayer is not the right word (I'm an athiest after all). The dialogue in my head went something like this: To everything in the universe that made this moment possible, thank you. I am able to sit comfortably in a sheltered place and enjoy this meal because of good fortune; everything from my job to a list of other circumstances that made this moment possible I am so greatful because if I was in that man's position, I know I would have taken different measures to feed myself and it would not be pretty.
Turning the question onto myself now: What motivates you to keep going?
